This journey is hard but recovery is achievable.
I’m still going and you can too.
I’ve been putting off writing this for ages because a part of me is scared to be vulnerable with so many people I don’t know, but I also know that seeing real and authentic stories is so important on social media, where various platforms promote carefully crafted highlight reels and perfectionism.
Especially for any younger people who may come across this and think they are alone in their struggles. You are not alone and you may have many more obstacles to overcome but it does get better!
I’ve struggled with disordered eating behaviours since puberty and I have officially been in recovery for a binge and restrict ED since September 2020. As someone who often emotionally/comfort ate, these behaviours got out of control after graduating high school, breaking both of my feet and feeling a major sense of despair and confusion about what my future would look like. Additionally, as someone suffering from severe anxiety, depression and a chronic illness, I found that food was my comfort – the only thing I could control in my life and in the pandemic.
Something that comes hand in hand with EDs is a negative body image. I look back at old photos of myself and can vividly remember thinking how “large” and “disgusting” I was, and that large was a bad thing, and that I didn’t deserve love. First of all, large is not a bad thing and you cannot tell someone’s health by looking at their size. Secondly, I was a size AU 10-12 comparing myself to fashion models and stars on TV who were size 4-6. My young mind didn’t have the ability to critically engage with the media around me and tell myself that my body is not “less than” because I am not a fashion sample size.
Which is why it is so important for all people, especially impressionable adolescents, to be surrounded by people who reflect the society they live in. Now living as a 22 year old in a fluctuating body, currently size 18-20, I have the skills to disengage from people/messages that tell me I am not worthy of love. I am learning to intuitively eat by listening to my body. Engaging in movement that makes me feel good. Enjoying food and the experiences around food. Buying clothes that fit me, not punishing myself to squeeze into old clothes, and not criticising my self for being a human who is ever changing and will have obstacles to overcome. I will no longer let my obsessive and negative thoughts undermine my ability to engage with and enjoy life.
Other things I have done to help my recovery:
- Constructing a body neutral/positive feed by following people who think the same way I do and unfollowing triggers such as thinspo or dieting pages. This includes surrounding myself with like minded people IRL.
- Stamping out my internalised fat phobia and encouraging family and friends to change our language around weight and size.
- Engaging in activities that provide a sense of achievement that have nothing to do with my body such as arts and crafts, singing, watching my favourite TV and movies, reading, journaling etc.
- Not striving for weight loss/gain. Striving for a healthy relationship with food and exercise and focusing on physical and mental strength.
- Seeing my health professional team including GP, psychologist, dietician and psychiatrist.
I believe in you
This journey is hard but recovery is achievable. Remember to reach out to professionals, family and friends if you need support. You can always reach out to me if you need some direction to speak to someone more qualified. Each day is a new opportunity to make steps in your recovery. I’m still going and you can too.
the skinny elephant 